Tuesday, July 7, 2015

My Secret Life

I'll bet you didn't know that I had a career in Spain as a Purina model.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

My Dream Job

Mr. Oliver Hammond here.  Now that I've reached adulthood, it's time for me to choose a trade.  Fancy Feast doesn't buy itself, you know!

As I've casted about for an appropriate occupation, many things have come to mind:

1) Couch Mechanic--no one can work on the underside of a couch the way that I can, but it's not my favorite thing to do.  It's more of a kitten's job.

2)  Lizard Wrangler--those reptiles are fun for awhile, but pull their tails off and throw them in the air a few times, and they just give up and lie there.

3)  Surveillance--the don't call me "Peekers" for nothing.  If I could talk, the tales I could tell you...but since I can't talk, it doesn't make me very useful as a source of information.

4)  Alarm Clock--Diane hasn't slept past 5 am since I started going outside.  I am sure she would agree that I am completely punctual.  I don't think she actually likes this, but she has gotten up and worked out more frequently, thanks to me.

But do you know what my dream job is???

Plumber!  It's my secret desire to be able to work on toilets all day long.  I'm fascinated with the things.  Whenever Rowdy or Diane is in the bathroom, I have to be there to see the porcelain throne in action.  I also hope to learn how to fix the bathtub so that I will never be able to take a bath again.

But how can I get in touch with a plumbing company to get them to hire me?  I had a brainstorm the other day--I would cause the gaskets on every toilet to fail, so they would run and run.  And then when Rowdy tried to fix them, I made sure it wouldn't work.  Just to fool-proof my plan, I also caused a valve in the garage attached to the water heater to leak.

My plan almost worked!!  The good people at Ideal Plumbing were called.  They fixed everything, and I was able to watch the process.  Then the plumber went out to his truck.  He left the back open while he totaled the bill and talked to Rowdy and Diane.  It was my big break, so I JUMPED INTO THE BACK OF THE TRUCK!!  Whee!  I was going to finally become a plumber!  So long, Ralphie and Black and White Kitty!  No need to hang around the neighborhood with you deadbeats anymore.

But then, the plumber came back to the truck before I could get to the passenger seat to ride with him.  I had to get out.  Oh well, I will keep trying.

I would have missed Rowdy, Diane and Keiler.  I might have even kind of missed Ralphie and B&W--a little.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Catamuck, or Battle Wound

Poor Oliver!  He must've been in a fight and had a claw wound that became infected.  I felt an abscess on his back yesterday, and by this morning, he had opened it up and gotten it to drain. Fortunately, Dr. Turner thinks that antibiotics, pain medicine and time in the Elizabethan collar will let it heal without surgery.

Meanwhile, he looks like Daffy Duck in Duckamuck.

See a resemblance?

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Cats just don't understand...

Mr Oliver needs to learn the value of work before he has to grow up and move out on his own....

Friday, August 22, 2014

Monday, July 7, 2014

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Oliver's Pets

You know the kids that bring home every stray in the neighborhood?  I think that Oliver brings home every lizard in the garage to be his pet.  Rowdy found Ollie lizard in his closet today, and another lizard upstairs!  Maybe I shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did when I imagined how that must have looked like, but I think it is so funny.  Too bad there are no pictures.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Jim Morrison the cat.

Oliver is the Lizard King. Of death. What is it, Thursday? I've already had 4 different dead lizards brought in the house this week. I know he is proud of his kills and all, but really. Keep your dead things at least in the garage.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Mai Feathah

mmmmmmm how's I likes my feather. likes likes likes. oh, and licks.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

He's Just a Little Guy

At one year old, Oliver weighs just eight pounds.  The vet says that she doesn't think he'll get any bigger than that.  He is half the size of his friend, Black and White Kitty, who is just a huge, long-haired, black-and-white kitty.

Ollie has really taken to being an outdoor cat.  Turns out, he likes to play with the neighbors' dogs, Katie (a little terrier) and Lily (a pit bull), and the cats, the above-named Black and White and little Ralphie (who should be called Cinnabon, but whatever).  Today, for the first time, I watched Ollie and Ralphie play chase with each other and Ollie try to outrun Katie to catch a tennis ball.  When we met Oliver at the Humane Society, he was very playful with the other kittens, so it isn't surprising that he is a sociable cat now.